"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood, ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time-back home to the escapes of Time and Memory." - Thomas Wolfe
Do you ever do something and then wish that you hadn't? You know, something that seems completely harmless at the time and it returns to you in a way that leaves you completely fearful? Allow me to explain...
When I was in highschool, I was like a circle in a room full of squares, no edges that fit. The advantage of that was that I could float through highschool pretty much unnoticed. The disadvantage was that I could flot through highschool pretty much unnoticed. Somewhere in tenth grade I joined up with the local youth group, my participation was pretty random, but thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I was able to reconnect with the youth pastor at that time. I innocently sent him some photos that I had kept from the Youth Group which he sent to someone else that he had stayed in touch with and now...it's turned into a whole thing about a thing and people are planning to get together on September 9th - in my hometown.
Now ordinarily I could just ignore this sort of reunion (I've had a couple of highschool reunions that I magically put out of mnd), but in this particular case I've been sort of thrust into the event planning "the first thing we've gotta make sure we get Shelley in on this idea, so add her to your email list."
It's really hard to explain the fear that has suddenly gripped me. I don't really know how to get out of this without looking like a knob and yet the very idea of going home for any reason...Good Grief, how do I get myself into these things?
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
"If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth." - Mitsugi Saotome
Today was supposed to be my rest day, but instead I changed my mind and went for an 8km run. (Head's up mathletes, that's 5 miles.) What was different today over other days, is that today was my first run in my area of the woods.
I live in the country where roads bisected by other roads every two kilometers, up hills, down hills, blind corners, random dogs who want to join you on the run, people who drive too fast, too close or honk as they come up right behind you, instead of just driving by (I wonder if giving me a heart attack would be murder in this case - I suppose we could ask Officer McMeanie who took the time to spit a rock up at my ass - I wonder if he knows that the donut shop is open 24 hours?)
I did learn a few things about my run today:
1. I did not have enough to eat before I went out.
2. I did not drink enough water before I went out.
3. I need to take advil before I go out.
4. I really freakin' hate running in the country.
I may have already known #4, but whatever thoughts I had previously were reaffirmed today. I got in my car and drove 4km and found that 4km brought me to the highway - can't really run on that, so I was basically forced to do the one thing I hate most about running - I ran 4km in one direction to run 4km in the opposite direction.
The run itself wasn't so bad. Despite items 1-4, about 1/2 my run was spent in the company of a black lab that I at first thought was coming to chew my leg off but wound up being encourating in his own sweet way. But it was somewhere around the 5th kilometer that my left knee started to hurt, then my right ankle started to not just ache, but hurt. I was not prepared for the unforgiving and uneven road surface of the county roads, nor was I prepared for the long incline of some of the roads.
That said, I pushed through, right or wrong, I completed the run and have had bags of ice on my ankle through the night - which I find ridiculous but feels oh so good. The injuries themselves are not new, years of cheerleading taking their toll, which makes me wonder if you really can't turn back time.
I guess we'll find out.
Today was supposed to be my rest day, but instead I changed my mind and went for an 8km run. (Head's up mathletes, that's 5 miles.) What was different today over other days, is that today was my first run in my area of the woods.
I live in the country where roads bisected by other roads every two kilometers, up hills, down hills, blind corners, random dogs who want to join you on the run, people who drive too fast, too close or honk as they come up right behind you, instead of just driving by (I wonder if giving me a heart attack would be murder in this case - I suppose we could ask Officer McMeanie who took the time to spit a rock up at my ass - I wonder if he knows that the donut shop is open 24 hours?)
I did learn a few things about my run today:
1. I did not have enough to eat before I went out.
2. I did not drink enough water before I went out.
3. I need to take advil before I go out.
4. I really freakin' hate running in the country.
I may have already known #4, but whatever thoughts I had previously were reaffirmed today. I got in my car and drove 4km and found that 4km brought me to the highway - can't really run on that, so I was basically forced to do the one thing I hate most about running - I ran 4km in one direction to run 4km in the opposite direction.
The run itself wasn't so bad. Despite items 1-4, about 1/2 my run was spent in the company of a black lab that I at first thought was coming to chew my leg off but wound up being encourating in his own sweet way. But it was somewhere around the 5th kilometer that my left knee started to hurt, then my right ankle started to not just ache, but hurt. I was not prepared for the unforgiving and uneven road surface of the county roads, nor was I prepared for the long incline of some of the roads.
That said, I pushed through, right or wrong, I completed the run and have had bags of ice on my ankle through the night - which I find ridiculous but feels oh so good. The injuries themselves are not new, years of cheerleading taking their toll, which makes me wonder if you really can't turn back time.
I guess we'll find out.
Friday, August 13, 2010
“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” - Mary Anne Radmacher
If there is more proof that someone needs that Jo Dumont Fitness Training is more than just a gym, then you need to come to "Nutrition and Motivation Class." (http://www.jodumontfitnesstraining.com/5115.html)
I hadn't actually intended to go to this class, but I really had nothing going on so I stuck around after Hard Core and sat with Jo and 4 other women and talked about motivation and nutrition. It started with calculating the percentage of body fat, and then converted that to how many pounds of body fat and how many pounds of muscle and bone we carry around. In addition, we talked about the food in our cupboards and the importance of eating clean.
What really struck a chord with me, however, was the concept of "Living With Intent". The idea that whatever you put in your mouth is because you intend to put it there, what you do to your body is because you intend it to. Avoiding MacDonalds because it's the impulsive stop on the way home and easier than making dinner, but planning and deciding to go to MacDonalds is living with intent. I'm just not sure that I ever actually want to intend or impulsively go there anymore.
I am so glad that I had the opportunity to spend time with this group of strong and beautiful women who intend to change their lives.
If there is more proof that someone needs that Jo Dumont Fitness Training is more than just a gym, then you need to come to "Nutrition and Motivation Class." (http://www.jodumontfitnesstraining.com/5115.html)
I hadn't actually intended to go to this class, but I really had nothing going on so I stuck around after Hard Core and sat with Jo and 4 other women and talked about motivation and nutrition. It started with calculating the percentage of body fat, and then converted that to how many pounds of body fat and how many pounds of muscle and bone we carry around. In addition, we talked about the food in our cupboards and the importance of eating clean.
What really struck a chord with me, however, was the concept of "Living With Intent". The idea that whatever you put in your mouth is because you intend to put it there, what you do to your body is because you intend it to. Avoiding MacDonalds because it's the impulsive stop on the way home and easier than making dinner, but planning and deciding to go to MacDonalds is living with intent. I'm just not sure that I ever actually want to intend or impulsively go there anymore.
I am so glad that I had the opportunity to spend time with this group of strong and beautiful women who intend to change their lives.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation." - Robert F. Kennedy
I found this quote today and my first thought was "Hey, wait, didn't this guy get shot?" So thanks to the wonders if Wikipedia (http://www.wikipedia.com/) I found out that yes, that Robert F. Kennedy, brother of the slightly more famous John F. Kennedy, was mortally wounded by Sirhan Sirhan (The guy so nice they named him twice?).
How prophetic were those words, if not for how the Kennedy's and Camelot have been forged into the anals of history, but how one person can influence an entire history of events. It sort of reminds me of an old television show "Quantum Leap", where - "Trapped in the past, Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right, that once went wrong and hoping each time, that his next leap will be the leap home."
We can't change our past, but we do have the ability to change our future at any given time if we want to. Do you ever wonder how your actions today influence someone else's future?
I am going to run tonight after I have worked a 16 hour day. I'm tired already but find myself looking forward to running - oh god did I really say that outloud?
I found this quote today and my first thought was "Hey, wait, didn't this guy get shot?" So thanks to the wonders if Wikipedia (http://www.wikipedia.com/) I found out that yes, that Robert F. Kennedy, brother of the slightly more famous John F. Kennedy, was mortally wounded by Sirhan Sirhan (The guy so nice they named him twice?).
How prophetic were those words, if not for how the Kennedy's and Camelot have been forged into the anals of history, but how one person can influence an entire history of events. It sort of reminds me of an old television show "Quantum Leap", where - "Trapped in the past, Doctor Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right, that once went wrong and hoping each time, that his next leap will be the leap home."
We can't change our past, but we do have the ability to change our future at any given time if we want to. Do you ever wonder how your actions today influence someone else's future?
I am going to run tonight after I have worked a 16 hour day. I'm tired already but find myself looking forward to running - oh god did I really say that outloud?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." - Alan Cohen
Well thank god, it has finally started to happen - I think...I stopped in for Hard Core tonight and stepped on the scale, even though I didn't want to look, I did and guess what!? (Well it's probably not much of a surprise by this point), but yes! I was down 4 pounds from my horrendous weigh-in on Monday. This means I only have four more to go until I am where I started. Hooray for the small victories!
I had an interesting talk with an old friend of mine the other day. I don't fancy myself much of a Face Booker, but I do find that I am using it a lot more often. And for the record, when I say old friend, it likely refers to someone that I met after I left highschool (new readers, go back a few weeks where I share my highschool experience). In any case, this person I spoke to had such very different memories of our past together than I did - which really got me thinking about perception and how we manage our past memories.
I have come to the conclusion that I deal with memories pretty much the way I deal with my house. Keep the things I like, get rid of the things that no longer interest me, are broken, or hold no sentimental value. Why I find this so profound, is that I discovered that even though I spend a lot of time looking forward and valuing change, a lot of the reason for my change is fuelled by the memories that I don't really want to keep. Running away? Perhaps, but is it so bad to want to distance yourself (change yourself) and release yourself from those painful or difficult moments in your past? What's wrong with cleaning your emotional closet once in a while?
For the record, Hard Core was bloody awesome! Ralph Macchio would be proud of my "Karate Kid Switch Kicks". Go Team One!
Well thank god, it has finally started to happen - I think...I stopped in for Hard Core tonight and stepped on the scale, even though I didn't want to look, I did and guess what!? (Well it's probably not much of a surprise by this point), but yes! I was down 4 pounds from my horrendous weigh-in on Monday. This means I only have four more to go until I am where I started. Hooray for the small victories!
I had an interesting talk with an old friend of mine the other day. I don't fancy myself much of a Face Booker, but I do find that I am using it a lot more often. And for the record, when I say old friend, it likely refers to someone that I met after I left highschool (new readers, go back a few weeks where I share my highschool experience). In any case, this person I spoke to had such very different memories of our past together than I did - which really got me thinking about perception and how we manage our past memories.
I have come to the conclusion that I deal with memories pretty much the way I deal with my house. Keep the things I like, get rid of the things that no longer interest me, are broken, or hold no sentimental value. Why I find this so profound, is that I discovered that even though I spend a lot of time looking forward and valuing change, a lot of the reason for my change is fuelled by the memories that I don't really want to keep. Running away? Perhaps, but is it so bad to want to distance yourself (change yourself) and release yourself from those painful or difficult moments in your past? What's wrong with cleaning your emotional closet once in a while?
For the record, Hard Core was bloody awesome! Ralph Macchio would be proud of my "Karate Kid Switch Kicks". Go Team One!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." - Marilyn Ferguson
I woke up this morning and my first thought, was "Holy Crap, I didn't blog last night". So, here I am, in my kitchen, staring out at a perfectly lovely morning.
Today, I am pondering the egg. I have come to the conclusion that the only way an egg is good is when it's fertilized and makes a sweet little chick that you can later turn into chicken wings. Yet here I am, eating eggs over my sink while typing to all of you.
Last night I did an online bootcamp. I have to say that I love Jo Dumont Fitness Training for making exercise so accessible. I mean really, when you think about it, when was the last time you had a trainer at a gym say, "oh hey and if you can't make it in, go online and do our online work out" or had someone who takes the time to make a Bingo card of exercises to challenge you with. My personal experience with "those gyms" is that as long as they are taking your money they really don't give a hogs behind if you show up, if you workout when you're there, or what you do when you're not at the gym.
What's interesting for me, is that the commitment of the staff at JDFT is completely genuine. I mean, at the end of the day it's up to me to do the work, but as long as I'm willing to give it my best effort, they are willing to give theirs as well. No other gym that I know provides that sort of support and commitment to an individual.
It sort of compels you to be better committed to yourself, doesn't it?
I woke up this morning and my first thought, was "Holy Crap, I didn't blog last night". So, here I am, in my kitchen, staring out at a perfectly lovely morning.
Today, I am pondering the egg. I have come to the conclusion that the only way an egg is good is when it's fertilized and makes a sweet little chick that you can later turn into chicken wings. Yet here I am, eating eggs over my sink while typing to all of you.
Last night I did an online bootcamp. I have to say that I love Jo Dumont Fitness Training for making exercise so accessible. I mean really, when you think about it, when was the last time you had a trainer at a gym say, "oh hey and if you can't make it in, go online and do our online work out" or had someone who takes the time to make a Bingo card of exercises to challenge you with. My personal experience with "those gyms" is that as long as they are taking your money they really don't give a hogs behind if you show up, if you workout when you're there, or what you do when you're not at the gym.
What's interesting for me, is that the commitment of the staff at JDFT is completely genuine. I mean, at the end of the day it's up to me to do the work, but as long as I'm willing to give it my best effort, they are willing to give theirs as well. No other gym that I know provides that sort of support and commitment to an individual.
It sort of compels you to be better committed to yourself, doesn't it?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Q&A Forum - Question #1
Question #1 comes from a loyal and avid reader. Jo asks: Why did you give up cheerleading and how the heck did you end up in an office!
I will preface my response by saying, I absolutely loved cheerleading and that leaving the sport was a very difficult decision. In addition to being a national individual cheering champion, I also lettered twice in cheerleading in highschool. While in highschool, I also had the honor of being a Calgary Stampeders CFL Cheerleader (my highschool coach was given the job of coaching and was able to drive me to the city to cheer, otherwise this opportunity would have never existed for me) and being a Stamps Cheerteam Member also drove my decision to go to the University of Calgary (even though I could have gone anywhere as I was accepted at all of the Universities I applied to.)
After my second year of cheering for the Stampeders, the football club decided that collegiate cheering was not the route they wanted to go (in layman terms, collegiate cheering is the athletic cheering, not the dance teams that you see now) and I am not a dancer, so I had to decide to not try out the following year. From there, my Stamps coach started up the University of Calgary Cheerteam and I joined that and at the same time, I started coaching at a large city of Calgary Highschool.
The UofC Cheerteam did not last very long, infact, I can't even recall if we cheered a game. The coach, was exceedingly frustrated that she could not recruit more guys for stunts and decided that she wanted to try turning it into a dance squad. Again, as above, I am not a dancer and that is not where my passion lies, so when asked if I would stay on the team if they switched formats, I said that I wouldn't and eventually that team folded.
Fast forward two years and I am now coaching the Uof C cheerteam. In addition to coaching I was also able to cheer at the same time. I wrote articles on cheer technique that were published in a national cheer magazine (now defunct) and was responsible for some of the "laws of cheering" which recognized safety in a sport that until the mid 90's had very little regulation.
So what happened? Interest in cheering at UofC disappeared when the support of the university did. Girls did not want to fundraise for their own uniforms and as such the team disbanded. Teachers in highschools did not want to spend any of their time after school supervising cheerteams and those that had cheerteams weren't interested in having an assistant coach.
But that was only part of it. I think somewhere along the way, I got tired of hoping that people would change, that people would view cheerleading as a sport and that minds would open. I was tired of telling 14 year-olds that they couldn't smoke in their uniform, that being drunk at the top of a stunt was dangerous, tired of begging schools for dollars that weren't there. In short, the thing I loved more than anything in the world became work, because I couldn't understand how to share my passion with others and have them agree. I hung up my skirt and have never looked back, other than to think fondly of those good days and I still miss them.
To answer how I ended up in an office - well, I'm sure i would have ended up here eventually. But I never grew up with stars in my eyes. My father was a hardworking man and I grew up believing that you do the job that pays the bills and you start paying bills as soon as you leave school. So I got a job and that's what I did. I often ask myself why I didn't choose differently, ie, go to Banff and work a waitressing job for a year, go to Australia, bum around Europe, instead I chose the path of least resistance, started working at a young age and just became successful doing what I do. But being in an office isn't really my passion. It pays the bills. What I would really like to do someday - someday - is be a motivational speaker, someone who can help facilitate change in others, sort of a life coach, maybe...?
Thanks for asking!
I will preface my response by saying, I absolutely loved cheerleading and that leaving the sport was a very difficult decision. In addition to being a national individual cheering champion, I also lettered twice in cheerleading in highschool. While in highschool, I also had the honor of being a Calgary Stampeders CFL Cheerleader (my highschool coach was given the job of coaching and was able to drive me to the city to cheer, otherwise this opportunity would have never existed for me) and being a Stamps Cheerteam Member also drove my decision to go to the University of Calgary (even though I could have gone anywhere as I was accepted at all of the Universities I applied to.)
After my second year of cheering for the Stampeders, the football club decided that collegiate cheering was not the route they wanted to go (in layman terms, collegiate cheering is the athletic cheering, not the dance teams that you see now) and I am not a dancer, so I had to decide to not try out the following year. From there, my Stamps coach started up the University of Calgary Cheerteam and I joined that and at the same time, I started coaching at a large city of Calgary Highschool.
The UofC Cheerteam did not last very long, infact, I can't even recall if we cheered a game. The coach, was exceedingly frustrated that she could not recruit more guys for stunts and decided that she wanted to try turning it into a dance squad. Again, as above, I am not a dancer and that is not where my passion lies, so when asked if I would stay on the team if they switched formats, I said that I wouldn't and eventually that team folded.
Fast forward two years and I am now coaching the Uof C cheerteam. In addition to coaching I was also able to cheer at the same time. I wrote articles on cheer technique that were published in a national cheer magazine (now defunct) and was responsible for some of the "laws of cheering" which recognized safety in a sport that until the mid 90's had very little regulation.
So what happened? Interest in cheering at UofC disappeared when the support of the university did. Girls did not want to fundraise for their own uniforms and as such the team disbanded. Teachers in highschools did not want to spend any of their time after school supervising cheerteams and those that had cheerteams weren't interested in having an assistant coach.
But that was only part of it. I think somewhere along the way, I got tired of hoping that people would change, that people would view cheerleading as a sport and that minds would open. I was tired of telling 14 year-olds that they couldn't smoke in their uniform, that being drunk at the top of a stunt was dangerous, tired of begging schools for dollars that weren't there. In short, the thing I loved more than anything in the world became work, because I couldn't understand how to share my passion with others and have them agree. I hung up my skirt and have never looked back, other than to think fondly of those good days and I still miss them.
To answer how I ended up in an office - well, I'm sure i would have ended up here eventually. But I never grew up with stars in my eyes. My father was a hardworking man and I grew up believing that you do the job that pays the bills and you start paying bills as soon as you leave school. So I got a job and that's what I did. I often ask myself why I didn't choose differently, ie, go to Banff and work a waitressing job for a year, go to Australia, bum around Europe, instead I chose the path of least resistance, started working at a young age and just became successful doing what I do. But being in an office isn't really my passion. It pays the bills. What I would really like to do someday - someday - is be a motivational speaker, someone who can help facilitate change in others, sort of a life coach, maybe...?
Thanks for asking!
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