"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein
It's been six days since my last post to you. I'm not even going to try and pretend that I meant to write or that I did write, or even try to catch up on each of the days in an each by each segment in this blog. You deserve better.
I've pretty much spent the last six days feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I said it, the cheerleader has become depressed. When I was younger and I'd have a bad day, or an incident with one of my friends (as 12 year old girls are want to do from time to time), my mother would say "Oh my aren't we feeling sorry for ourselves!" (I'm not sure if she said "exclamation mark", but you have to imagine a highly ethereal waving of the arms into some nether place). Back then I never really thought I was feeling sorry for myself, but rather just feeling sad or bad about what was happening.
To this end I can truly say I have been depressed. Since starting at JDFT, I have actually gained weight. As of my weigh-in yesterday, I was 150.7 pounds. 150.7 pounds. 150.7 pounds. If anyone has been keeping track, that is an increase of 10.8 pounds. The good news is 3 of those pounds are muscle. The bad news is that leaves 7.8 unaccounted for pounds of ...FAT!
For you mathletes out there, let me explain how this works. One pound equals 3500 calories. 3500 calories. In order for me to have gained this 7.8 unaccounted for pounds of FAT I would have had to eat an additional 27,300 calories. 27,300 calories. Did you know that the average original Twinkie (http://www.hostesscakes.com/twinkies.asp) has 150 calories? That would mean that I would have to eat 182 Twinkies to gain the weight that I have gained.
Further to this, I have been working out 6 days a week. Thanks to Jo Dumont, of Jo Dumont Fitness Training my training schedule looks something like this:
Monday Training - 700 calories
Tuesday Circuit - 500 calories
Wednesday Hardcore - 700 calories
Thursday Running - 700 calories
Friday Hardcore - 700 calories
Sunday Running - 600 calories
That is 3900 hundred calories burned through exercise. If we only need to burn 3500 calories to burn a pound - how in the world am I gaining weight?!
So, as you all know, I had gone in to see a doctor. I didn't actually start seeing the doctor about my weight gain. I actually went to see the doctor in response to what presented as a bladder infection. The reason we found out about this bladder infection was because my period was late and I'd been peeing in a cup faithfully every Monday for about a month. ANYWAY, I digress. The bladder infection really wasn't a bladder infection at all, but what it did alert the physician to was that I was feeling pretty crappy, tired, achy a bunch of things, so he sent me in for blood work.
The results of the blood work indicated that I was hypokalemic. What is hypokalemic you ask? Well thanks to the wonders of Wikipedia I can tell you that Hypokalemia (American English), hypokalaemia (British English), or hypopotassemia (ICD-9) refers to the condition in which the concentration of potassium (K+) in the blood is low. The prefix hypo- means "under" (contrast with hyper-, meaning "over"); kal- refers to kalium, the Neo-Latin for potassium, and -emia means "condition of the blood."
In short, the blood tests indicated that I was very very low in potassium. Why is this important you might ask? With thanks to Three Fat Chicks on a Diet (http://www.3fatchicks.com/), I can tell you this: "Potassium helps you lose weight by converting food into energy and assisting to build muscles. The bigger and stronger your muscles are, the more calories they burn. With a healthy intake of potassium, your muscles will get bigger, and in turn, burn more calories. By helping you build bigger muscles, and by providing the energy you need to exercise, potassium is a dieter’s dream mineral! Keep up your potassium levels, and your muscles will overtake your fat in no time! Potassium also helps you balance the sodium in your cells, which helps with weight loss and provides other health benefits including reducing your risk of high blood pressure."
Now, I'm not saying that my lack of potassium has ANYTHING to do with the weight that I've gained, but at least I'm feeling somewhat hopeful that by getting on these wonderful potassium tablets and eating more potassium rich foods, that we can finally break that barrier of weight gain and turn it into a weight loss!
You'll forgive me if I don't celebrate until I'm at least back at my starting weight.
Goal weight - 125 pounds. Pounds to go - 25. ugh.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want". - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
It's official. Today I broke 150lbs. I am devestated. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. For the last month and a half I have worked out, eaten better than I have in my life, and all I have to show for it is a new wardrobe of stretchy clothes since the other ones don't fit.
It's a scary thing, watching those numbers climb up. I want to believe that it's all muscle, but we all know that's not true. So what is going on?
I saw my doctor the other day, not really related to the increase in weight, but now I'm starting to feel like it might be symptom. I really need to not self-diagnose since everything the internet tells me is that it may be kidney related. In any case, my doctor sent me for a bunch of blood tests and we'll see what comes from that.
Faith, right?
It's official. Today I broke 150lbs. I am devestated. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. For the last month and a half I have worked out, eaten better than I have in my life, and all I have to show for it is a new wardrobe of stretchy clothes since the other ones don't fit.
It's a scary thing, watching those numbers climb up. I want to believe that it's all muscle, but we all know that's not true. So what is going on?
I saw my doctor the other day, not really related to the increase in weight, but now I'm starting to feel like it might be symptom. I really need to not self-diagnose since everything the internet tells me is that it may be kidney related. In any case, my doctor sent me for a bunch of blood tests and we'll see what comes from that.
Faith, right?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.” - Author Unknown
I'm a little frustrated today. Maybe cranky. I am having a difficult time trying to decide what emotion I'm toying with that doesn't make me sound like a big baby.
I am a classic over achiever. Generally speaking I am successful at whatever I put my mind to which is why I have been so excited about this renewed effort at eating better, working out and spending time at Jo Dumont Fitness Training. So it should come as a bit of a surprise to anyone that I've gained 8 pounds since starting at JDFT and that contrary to what I'd like to believe, it's not all muscle. I think it is really important at this point to state affirmatively that I don't believe that this weight that I appear to be unable to shake has anything to do with JDFT because there are scores of success stories that come out of JDFT. I plan to become one of those success stories.
I know and acknowledge outright that I have not eaten well the last few days. It's not that I have eaten bad food, but I haven't been feeling well and so I have not eaten as much as I probably should. I actually went to the doctor yesterday who sent me to the lab today to get blood work done - cholesterol, B12, thyroid, everything, all over something that presents like a bladder infection without high nitrates. So maybe some of this is chemical?
Because I had to fast for 10 - 12 hours prior to getting blood work done, Jo told me that I'm not to workout today. I have to admit that I emotionally took that the wrong way when she first said it, but I understand where it comes from and why that would be important today. If my car has no fuel I can't go anywhere, so why would it be different if my body has no fuel?
All I know for sure is that the energy I first had when I started eating more isn't there anymore and I'm frustrated and disappointed that I can't seem to start losing weight, which was sort of the whole point of the exercise. Lose weight, gain muscle. I appear to be in the gain/gain portion and it doesn't feel like a win/win.
I'm a little frustrated today. Maybe cranky. I am having a difficult time trying to decide what emotion I'm toying with that doesn't make me sound like a big baby.
I am a classic over achiever. Generally speaking I am successful at whatever I put my mind to which is why I have been so excited about this renewed effort at eating better, working out and spending time at Jo Dumont Fitness Training. So it should come as a bit of a surprise to anyone that I've gained 8 pounds since starting at JDFT and that contrary to what I'd like to believe, it's not all muscle. I think it is really important at this point to state affirmatively that I don't believe that this weight that I appear to be unable to shake has anything to do with JDFT because there are scores of success stories that come out of JDFT. I plan to become one of those success stories.
I know and acknowledge outright that I have not eaten well the last few days. It's not that I have eaten bad food, but I haven't been feeling well and so I have not eaten as much as I probably should. I actually went to the doctor yesterday who sent me to the lab today to get blood work done - cholesterol, B12, thyroid, everything, all over something that presents like a bladder infection without high nitrates. So maybe some of this is chemical?
Because I had to fast for 10 - 12 hours prior to getting blood work done, Jo told me that I'm not to workout today. I have to admit that I emotionally took that the wrong way when she first said it, but I understand where it comes from and why that would be important today. If my car has no fuel I can't go anywhere, so why would it be different if my body has no fuel?
All I know for sure is that the energy I first had when I started eating more isn't there anymore and I'm frustrated and disappointed that I can't seem to start losing weight, which was sort of the whole point of the exercise. Lose weight, gain muscle. I appear to be in the gain/gain portion and it doesn't feel like a win/win.
Monday, August 23, 2010
“Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” - James Arthur Baldwin
Today was a Personal Training Day with Jo over at Jo Dumont Fitness Training. Have I mentioned how much I love the one-on-one training? Don't get me wrong, the classes are also great, but there is something just extra challenging about the personal classes.
The workout today was shoulders and abs. My shoulders really need the help. After dislocating my right shoulder 15 months ago I have not done very much in terms of exercise or rehabilitation. I should mention that I never had great shoulders in the first place and for the first time in my life I can actually see muscles - thanks to Jo!
Part of the workout today also included balance. As a former cheerleader you would think that balance would be easy (imagine, my standing on one foot on someone else's hand), however, it's not. I attribute this to now having breasts which were conspicuously absent from my cheat throughout my cheerleading years (god bless electrical tape) - but I digress. Balance - something new to work on. Go figure.
Today was a Personal Training Day with Jo over at Jo Dumont Fitness Training. Have I mentioned how much I love the one-on-one training? Don't get me wrong, the classes are also great, but there is something just extra challenging about the personal classes.
The workout today was shoulders and abs. My shoulders really need the help. After dislocating my right shoulder 15 months ago I have not done very much in terms of exercise or rehabilitation. I should mention that I never had great shoulders in the first place and for the first time in my life I can actually see muscles - thanks to Jo!
Part of the workout today also included balance. As a former cheerleader you would think that balance would be easy (imagine, my standing on one foot on someone else's hand), however, it's not. I attribute this to now having breasts which were conspicuously absent from my cheat throughout my cheerleading years (god bless electrical tape) - but I digress. Balance - something new to work on. Go figure.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies." - Author Unknown
So, I totally missed posting on Saturday so I thought I would give you a bit of a weekend re-cap.
First, a big Hell Yeah to Jo Dumont Fitness Training and Jase Nibourg (http://www.myspace.com/jase_nibourg) for putting on an awesome Kid Safe and Women's Self Defense class this past weekend. It was a great class and I learned a lot! For those bloggers that don't know, my daughter is now able to yell at the top of her lungs "Stranger, Danger, 911!" even if it's just her and I in an aisle of a grocery store. I could never be prouder. I think the women who attended in the evening got a lot of out it as well.
For me, I spent the evening with a woman I don't know very well, but our daughters go to the same school. It was a wonderful opportunity to step outside my box and get to know someone while they were throwing me to the ground. Thanks for that, Jacquie!
Today, despite being a little sore and tired from yesterday, I did manage to run five kilometers. It was hard though since I didn't have much fuel in me. I have not been feeling very well, but don't want to have excuses not to train. So, I stumbled through a crappy run, but I got it done.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I need a good workout, it's been a few days and I feel like I'm cheating on myself somehow. That's a whole other level of guilt....
So, I totally missed posting on Saturday so I thought I would give you a bit of a weekend re-cap.
First, a big Hell Yeah to Jo Dumont Fitness Training and Jase Nibourg (http://www.myspace.com/jase_nibourg) for putting on an awesome Kid Safe and Women's Self Defense class this past weekend. It was a great class and I learned a lot! For those bloggers that don't know, my daughter is now able to yell at the top of her lungs "Stranger, Danger, 911!" even if it's just her and I in an aisle of a grocery store. I could never be prouder. I think the women who attended in the evening got a lot of out it as well.
For me, I spent the evening with a woman I don't know very well, but our daughters go to the same school. It was a wonderful opportunity to step outside my box and get to know someone while they were throwing me to the ground. Thanks for that, Jacquie!
Today, despite being a little sore and tired from yesterday, I did manage to run five kilometers. It was hard though since I didn't have much fuel in me. I have not been feeling very well, but don't want to have excuses not to train. So, I stumbled through a crappy run, but I got it done.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I need a good workout, it's been a few days and I feel like I'm cheating on myself somehow. That's a whole other level of guilt....
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
"The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations." - Eli Khamarov
Oh my god do I feel like shit. I can't begin to explain how absolutely shitty I feel today. I swear to god, there is a rock in my stomach, bouncing up and down saying "die, Bitch, die".
Now this is obviously not true, rocks can't talk.
But it's true, for the first time in a month and half where I am finally living cleaner, I have hit a roadblock. My stomach hurts and I don't want to eat, infact the very notion of food makes me feel like throwing up! What in the world is wrong with me?
Today I have eaten a piece of toast with peanut butter, nearly threw it up, and that's about it.
God, I feel like shit.
Oh my god do I feel like shit. I can't begin to explain how absolutely shitty I feel today. I swear to god, there is a rock in my stomach, bouncing up and down saying "die, Bitch, die".
Now this is obviously not true, rocks can't talk.
But it's true, for the first time in a month and half where I am finally living cleaner, I have hit a roadblock. My stomach hurts and I don't want to eat, infact the very notion of food makes me feel like throwing up! What in the world is wrong with me?
Today I have eaten a piece of toast with peanut butter, nearly threw it up, and that's about it.
God, I feel like shit.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
“There may be a great fire in our soul, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke.” - Vincent Van Gogh
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire - or at least the entire interior of British Columbia. There is so much smoke, I can hardly see my hand infront of my face - and I live in Alberta! I have never seen anything so crazy in my life.
Needless to say, running class was out unless Amanda was prepared to carry the oxygen tank with her. It's bad enough that I had to use my inhaler like a Pez dispenser (http://www.pez.com/). I can't even imagine what THAT run would have looked like.
There is a lot of worry for me when I ponder breaking routine, missing a class, not following through...the fear is that if I make an excuse not to go, that the ability to make those excuses will become easier - how many days till working out becomes a habit?
The bright side of all of this of course, is that JDFT was completely accommodating to my situation. Amanda texted me, asking if I was going for a run and I replied no, but that I wanted to come in for a workout. There wasn't one in the plan, but they let me come in and workout. We did this amazing 20 minute "circuit on speed" and apart from some slip-ups from not knowing the actual exercise, I was able to complete the circuit. Then just for fun, I ran some steps.
I am so glad that I have found JDFT.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire - or at least the entire interior of British Columbia. There is so much smoke, I can hardly see my hand infront of my face - and I live in Alberta! I have never seen anything so crazy in my life.
Needless to say, running class was out unless Amanda was prepared to carry the oxygen tank with her. It's bad enough that I had to use my inhaler like a Pez dispenser (http://www.pez.com/). I can't even imagine what THAT run would have looked like.
There is a lot of worry for me when I ponder breaking routine, missing a class, not following through...the fear is that if I make an excuse not to go, that the ability to make those excuses will become easier - how many days till working out becomes a habit?
The bright side of all of this of course, is that JDFT was completely accommodating to my situation. Amanda texted me, asking if I was going for a run and I replied no, but that I wanted to come in for a workout. There wasn't one in the plan, but they let me come in and workout. We did this amazing 20 minute "circuit on speed" and apart from some slip-ups from not knowing the actual exercise, I was able to complete the circuit. Then just for fun, I ran some steps.
I am so glad that I have found JDFT.
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