Thursday, July 22, 2010

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit

I hate to run.  I have never in all of my years figured out what was so addictive about running.  You plod along the road only to reach a certain point and say "well that was fun, let's run back!"  I still don't know what's so great about it.

For those of you who don't know me that well, the day after I signed up at Jo Dumont Fitness Training, I went to my first running class.  What's great about this class is that they employ a "No Man Left Behind" philosophy and the trainer who takes you out, will stay with the last person.  I can see where this philosophy makes people feel good that they aren't being left behind and helps provide it's own motivation.  However, I'm not like most people.

The run two weeks ago was 3.5 kilometers.  Not far, right? I mean I am not the most physically fit person in the world, but I'm pretty sure that I can do 3.5 pretty easily.  So away we go.  Including Amanda, there are 4 of us on our way. 

I started out great!  It felt pretty good to be out there, and then something happened, rather unexpectedly.  I slowed down, I couldn't breathe, I got tired and started praying for Amanda to tell us that the 2 minutes of running was over and I could have a rest.  I started walking at about 1.5km (and that might be a generous estimate) and I never quite got back to it.  And bless Amanda for walking back with me as my poor tattered ego went on and on for 2 kilometers about how I should be so much better than this, and how lousy I was doing and how I didn't want to hold Amanda back.  (FYI, I'm surprised Amanda didn't take a minute to push me into traffic).

A side note for readers.  If you have ever wondered what would happen if you cried when you couldn't breathe, I can officially tell you that when you inhale, you sound like a very large hippopotamus.

So today was running class #2.  After issuing my challenge yesterday I couldn't very well not show up.  Believe me though, I really wanted to.  By time I got to the lights I had used my inhaler twice and had wished really hard that I had taken some anti-anxiety medication.  I was so scared to go on this run and fail that I had myself completely worked up.

You see, it isn't just about the fail for me.  I don't like letting people down.  While the failure of not completing the run is horrible, the idea that Amanda might think "oh god, there's Shelley, "the quitter" is even a bigger fear for me.  So I carried that motivation with me today.

I broke a nail tying up my running shorts - not sure if that was a good sign or not.

Turns out, I am the only person who showed up today so I felt even more pressure to "be good."  so I confessed to Amanda that I had a lot of anxiety about the run, but that I was commited to complaining only a 1/4 of the amount I complained two weeks ago (Come on, I don't want to set myself up for failure!) and that I really wanted to complete the run this week.  So off we went.

The first surprise came when Amanda told me that I had run for three minutes instead of two (I use the term run loosely as it has a connotation that I was actually moving with some speed).  After a while we went down to two and ones and eventually thanks to lung failure we went to one and ones.  (for those of you that can't figure that out, the first number is the time you run, the second is your resting time). 

At one point I told Amanda that while I didn't want to walk, I might have to.  She replies with "you want to walk?"  I asked her how much time was left in the interval and she told me that there was one minute left, so I decided right then and there to stick it out and I finished the interval. 

And you know what?  I didn't quit, not for one minute (I will confess there was a reprieve at the lights when they turned red just as we got there), but I didn't quit and by the end of it I was absolutely ecstatic that I had completed my run.

Now, I'm not saying that I love running.  I still don't get it, but maybe I'm going to learn to enjoy it and continue to improve and get better (a 9 minute kilometer is not all that impressive, so I'll want to trim my time down).  I'm sure that the cardio will be useful and my ass will start to look amazing(er), but for now I'm going to connect with the smaller victory, having completed the run.

Oh and by the way, Amanda told me this was the five-K loop.  (devious girl that Amanda)

But if you're reading this Amanda, thanks for hanging out with me today, I really enjoyed it!