Friday, November 12, 2010

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."  - Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan (Annie)

Today I said goodbye to my very best friend.  Don't tell anyone, but my very best friend had four legs and a tail that wouldn't quit.  I think it might offend a few people to know that yes, I loved my dog more than most people in the world.

At 17, Cocoa lived longer than anyone thought he might.  He had boundless energy and people were always surprised to find out that he was as old as he was.  Even in his last days he would race around the house like an idiot, his ears pinned back to his head, faster than the wind.  He had been deaf for sometime, and I often joked about coming home and holding a mirror up to his nose when I came home from work.  He was a good dog...no, he was the best.

We had a particularly bad weekend with Cocoa, he wasn't feeling well it was clear, but it appeared to be nothing more than having eaten something that didn't agree with him.  He still had a lot of energy and didn't mind a little rough housing.

This morning was different, he had fallen and couldn't get back up.  He laid there, with a defeated look in his eyes as he relieved himself all over the floor. 

We all wish that our beloved pets could die peacefully in their dog beds, curled up and happy dreaming of giant-sized dog bones and chasing cars.  But the reality is not many dogs actually get to go that way.  This morning was the defining moment that said "it's time to stop being selfish and let him go."

I brought him to the vet and stayed until the very end.  He didn't fuss, he didn't argue, he had the resignation in his eyes that this was the time.  He fell asleep in my arms and I felt him leave - it was so much faster than I expected as if somehow I needed more time to tell him just what he meant to me, that he was a good, the best anyone could have and that I wasn't sure if he knew that I loved him so much. 

There is just never enough time to tell someone you love them.