Sunday, August 15, 2010

"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood, ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time-back home to the escapes of Time and Memory." - Thomas Wolfe

Do you ever do something and then wish that you hadn't?  You know, something that seems completely harmless at the time and it returns to you in a way that leaves you completely fearful?  Allow me to explain...

When I was in highschool, I was like a circle in a room full of squares, no edges that fit.  The advantage of that was that I could float through highschool pretty much unnoticed.  The disadvantage was that I could flot through highschool pretty much unnoticed.  Somewhere in tenth grade I joined up with the local youth group, my participation was pretty random, but thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I was able to reconnect with the youth pastor at that time.  I innocently sent him some photos that I had kept from the Youth Group which he sent to someone else that he had stayed in touch with and now...it's turned into a whole thing about a thing and people are planning to get together on September 9th - in my hometown.

Now ordinarily I could just ignore this sort of reunion (I've had a couple of highschool reunions that I magically put out of mnd), but in this particular case I've been sort of thrust into the event planning "the first thing we've gotta make sure we get Shelley in on this idea, so add her to your email list."

It's really hard to explain the fear that has suddenly gripped me.  I don't really know how to get out of this without looking like a knob and yet the very idea of going home for any reason...Good Grief, how do I get myself into these things?